Its been too long .........

since I last posted a blog!
I remember when this used to be the craze but all that has changed now. Anyway the last week has really made me think about how much things have changed in the last year, I remember the summer I spent at the park having picnics and just chilling but now everything I do has changed. I guess that as we get older we all move on, the mates you used to see are off some where else and the things you used to enjoy seem almost childish. I now have the view that although everything has changed, I have gained new experiences which were different and good in their own way. Without moving forward we could never look back or have memories.

I would say I have definitly moved forward in my faith in the last year and that when I look back I remember the good things in the past and the people who have really impacted my life. Also the bad things I experience no longer get me down but have strengthed my relationship with God and with others.

At my youth group yesterday my old youth leader came to speak and it was an amazing talk, he has such an enthusiasm and I've missed his talks. Last night was a great night, I just had a sense of happiness and like nothing could touch me. I love the fact that me and Chris can worship and be hyper together, it always feels good to just have fun with him and he definitly makes me happy. Also when Gilly prayed for me I just felt a sense of peace, like a burden I'd been carrying had gone.

Anyway sorry for the delayed posting.
xxxx

hmmmmmmmm

I have just read back over my entire blog and realised how in coherent it is, due to the fact I do not update it enough.One moment i'm getting angry and the next I'm saying how great things are. Sorry everybody who reads this.
I don't wanna write that life is realli good at the moment because even though it seems like it is every time I say that something seems to go wrong. I have realised missed hanging out wit my girly mates and going to infinity. The last few weeks of the summer went realli quickly and soul survivor was amazing. I am upto date with all my school work and I'm sorting out my university ucas application which is quite exciting but scary.
Things are sailing along nicely with Chris (omg that sounds so corny) and I can really see a future with him and its quite reassuring we can talk about it together.I have been seeing some mates who I have not realli been close to for a few months and its realli nice just to catch up with them. Gill and Tasha we need a girly nite soon !!!!
Anyway off to do my UCAS application.
I shall try and write coherently from now. TRY !
Hope everyone is refreshed after their summer hols and that God continues to refresh you even as we enter the winter months .xxxx

why?

Why is it that men always come between friends?

No-one will know wat I'm talking about but it just feels that men always come before mates even tho we say we're not gonna let it. Oh well

sorry for this random post !

Hows it hangin ??

well i'd just thought I'd post and say how i'm feeling at the moment, sim and chris are at my house pretending to be gay which is quite scary because they can pull it off really well !!!
Anyway soul survivor is in bout 11 days and to be honest I'm quite scared bout it, I'm going wit stopsley and I get in on with people there but none of my really close mates are going :( I suppose its a chance for me to get to know them better and really concentrate on my faith but its a new experience for me and I'm kinda worried:) Oh well.

its briggsy!!

hannah me and chris are here and im changing their layouts on both blogs and myspace cos im cool =]] so yeah just thought we would say hi and hope everyone is good xxx

yooooooo

not many people are posting on their blogs so thought I would, it seems as though everyone is using my space instead now.
anyway i kinda just feel as if i'm plodding along in life at the moment, i'm having a few ups and downs but that is to be expected. Things with Chris are going well but events over the past few weeks have been hard but we are slowly pulling through. As always my mates are still the best, I'm sorry guys if it feels like I've been abandoning you, Chris has just realli needed my support. Hope ur all great and we can have a girly nite agen soon.
The weather has not been great but hopefully it will pick up soon. Can't wait to have some picnics.
Anyway I better go and do something worthwhile.
Hope everyone has a good week filled with much love xx

what if u should decide that u don't want me there in ur life

I was in my philosophy and ethics exam today and i thought to myself I have so many great friends, they've always been there for me, they listen, give me advice, cradle me when i'm down and make me laugh. I think I haven't really been appreciating them recently- i just want to say I love u guys so much and couldn't imagine life without u.
The song what if by coldplay reminds me that life is so short and that we should cherise every moment we have, and that it would break my heart if i lost any of my friends. Coldplay songs always remind me of Rob and how much I miss our group hanging out. I hope that during this smmer we would just all hang out again and have fun.
We are all growing up and it makes me think about my future, will we still all be friends in 30 years, will I be married, have a good career? Who knows, I'll just have to wait and see what God has in store for me. But one thing I hope is that we will still be friends.

Guess who?

Today was such a good day, it started of badly but gradually got better.
I've just got in from Gill's brother's engagement party, it was so much fun, we danced the night away! Louise my mate even got asked to slow dance by the dj's son, was so funny 2 watch- don't worry i got a slow dance from someone else !! Mine and Briggsy's favourite songs from soul survivor came on and reminded me of Mr Boggies !!
Anyway I'd just like to say Good luck in you marriage Jonny and Debbie, you two make such a good couple, I hope you make each other very happy :)

Haven't written in a while so just thought I would as I'm bored.
It has just dawned on me that my AS exams are really soon and I need to knuckle down and do some work. I know if I work hard I can get the grades I need.
The last week has rushed past and I hope this week does to cause its Vicki's party on saturday and I can't wait. I'm picking up my dress from the dry cleaners tonight and all us girlies are getting ready together.
Its also my birthday next week, i'm not worried bout turning 17 but bit pied off that we haven't moved house yet so don't know if i can have a party yet. :(
At infinity (my youth group) we are talking bout sex and its just so interesting to learn what the Bible says cause this subject is so relevant to teenagers everywhere. I realised last night just how much enjoy infinity, although not many people go we are all friends and know each other. At some youth groups I have been to there may have been loads of people there but they were all in friendships group and didn't talk to each other. It makes me really appreciate infinity and our closeness.

Summer is finally here and I can actually wear skirts again, I can't wait until me and the others start going on picinics again and can stay out later cause its light. I miss hanging out with everyone and pray that God is really in all my friendships.

Trust in the lord with all your heart and soul is a bible verse that really has been stuck in my mind for the past few weeks. I'm trusting God with a situation and just pray that he would reveal his plan to me.

Reflection and rest

I haven't written a while so just thought I'd write as I'm really bored. I'm off college today cause i'm sick, its horrible but nice to have a little rest. I've had my art exam the past two days and my teachers are stressing me out. I've got so much work to do so its quite lucky that I've got a four day weekend coming up. Just need some time to sort myself out and think things through. My art exam actually gave me a lot of time to think and reflect on things. I've been thinking bout boy relationships, friendships, family and my relationship with God. I'm so glad me, Gill and Tasha are mates, they are always there for me and I can trust them- i love you guys. Its also be nice to hang out with one of my other mates, Louise, again, nice to chill with her. Things with boys are not really sorted out, been nice seeing rob at Church again but things with a certain boy are still shaky, can't help liking him. My relationship with God is getting stronger and learning to trust him more. x

There's gotta be more to life ...

I've been thinking there is more to life because there is God. Stacie Orrico's song, More to life, talks bout wanting more from life and i've been thinking that i get more from life because I have a relationship with God. Thinking about my life, it would be so different without God, yer maybe I would get drunk loads or sleep with loads of guys but would that really satisfy me. When things go wrong in life I have someone to turn to who is there 24.7, i can reach him now and he is always there. Through havin re lessons i have seen that everything on this earth temporary, God is the only thing we can cling on to. Its good to have friends and hobbies but God is the one person who is always there. For the past 2 weeks I have been feelin quite distant from God, everything has just happened at the same time, me and my boyfriend split up, friendships seem bit shaky, school work and worries bout the future. But as I stood in Church on Friday I just felt a release, a release to worship and since of peace. Yer somethings haven't been sorted out but I know God has everything under control and I surrender my life to him.

Psalm 23

• Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;

This part of the psalm really speaks to me, on monday julia said that when we have good times in our life we are at the top of the valley and are open to the elements, when we have our bad times we are at the bottom of the valley and God is protecting us from the elements. So when we are having good times we are more open to being hurt and so things are more likely to go wrong.

Gill sent me a really nice text saying that God has everyting planned out and that there was a reason that me and Chris went out and why he came into my life.

I just have to wait and trust God with my life. I'm not gonna get miserable about the break up because I can't let it ruin my life. I'm gonna be confident in God and just be a good friend to Chris.

All good things must come to an end!!

It seems to me that life can be going really great than everything comes crashing down. Yes i'm talking bout a boy, the thing is i duno wat to do, i've never felt the way I do about him. I feel so comfortable with him and feel for him from the moment I saw him. It really got my confidence up having him there and now its all gone. I even know if I wanna help out wit mtl at my school any more, I know I should have confidence in God to help at mtl. I suppose I kinda felt the break up coming, I knew that as soon as I got the confidence to ask Bekah to help at mtl something esle would go wrong. Its always the way!

Ciao Bella

Got back from Florence yesterday, it was amazing. Didn't do much art but saw lots of famous sights, ate lots of nice waffles and ice-cream and did a lot of cheap shopping. The markets were so fun but the men were a bit werid and were always staring at you. I saw the famous David by Michelangelo which was really cool, the best place we visited was the monastary where the monks painted on the walls. So any my week has been good but now its back to the real world full off homework and school.

florence

hey everyone, i'm in florence, just thought i would quickly write and say hi from italy, missing you all loads, hope your all having a good week, i'll see you all on sunday. I'll write a more detailed account of my trip later. Just remember god is with you always, xxx

weekend away!!!

So this weekend encounter and infinity went on our weekend away and it was really amazing. It was good getting to know the encounter girls and boys and bonding with people from infinity. Here's a quick low down on wat we did each day:

Friday- 7.30pm left church Arrived later in Buckden Buckden Towers looked well posh, the girls stayed on the top floor so we took our luggage all the way up the swirly stairs. Then our first meeting where Matt talked, he told this funny story bout a penguin. Then we played hockey which was well funny. We then had a drink and snack. Then off to bed. Claire and Alex were talking until 2.30am and chucking food at us!! And the boys were making lots of noise !!

Saturday: Woke up very tired, showered and starightened hair. Went downstairs for breakfast. Then we had our morning meeting were Lydnsey talked bout fellowship. We got given a sheet of paper that had 2 words bout fellowship, I got individuality and helping. I prayed about and it and felt God was telling me to be an individual at school and stand up for my faith also to help at mtl which has been on my heart for the last 6 months. Then we did this mini movie challenge which was really funny, ours was about a prison and we did a lot of running. After much exercise we went in for lunch, then bowling in the afternoon, we got lost getting there which was fun!! When we got back we had dinner and our evening meeting where Horward talked. After that we watched a movie called Remember the Titans which was really good and made me think about community. Then we went to bed, I moved bed three times during the nite so was very tired the next day.

Sunday: Our last day :( We got up and had breakfast. Then had our morning meeting. It was really good and me,gill and tasha got prayer for our friendship which i felt really helped us. I love u 2 so much. xx. Then we played loads of different games and packed away all our stuff. We had a lunch got everything together, cleared up and then at 3.30pm left Buckden ,we got back to wonderful luton, went home, had a shower then went to church, yer i must be mad to go out when i was tired.

The weekend was really good overall, thanks 2 all the leaders for making it good, especially Gill VDM for cooking, Andy for taking us and Toby for making me laugh. So that was my weekend, I've made some new friends, some emotions running high and the sense of belonging to a community. xxx

Honesty is the best policy

Do you ever get the feeling you've made a massive fool of yourself, sometimes i think i should think about what I say before I say it. I'm really scared in relationships of rejection I suppose that's why i didn't ask Chris out and waited for him to make the first move. I suppose what I'm learning is that God knows whats gonna happen in my life and I should trust him with it completely.
Infinity was really challenging but good last night, I'm learning to be honest in my group and I think the weekend away will be a chance for us to bond. Just read Gill's blog and its true about hiding feelings, I always think you have to be strong and say your fine when inside your hurting, I shouldn't just be honest with God I need to be honest with my friends and family.

Have a good week everybody
Remember God loves you and is with you whether your happy or sad
XXXX

LENT is here. It's only been a day and i'm craving chocolate and crisps. Oh well i'm sure i'll make it till easter sunday.
This week is going really quick, can't believe its already march seems like only yesterday it was new years eve. During the past few weeks I have been trying hard to more time with God, praying and listening. It's really helped, about this time last year i really felt God telling me to do something(its a secret what the actual thing is) and as i've started spending time praying I've just felt God nudging me to carry out what he asked me to start a year ago. So I have started to do this thing and it's really helping me to think about everything. Your'll just have to wait and see what the specific something is. All will be revealed by me and Gill fairly soon. we hope.
For the past week and a half, my old youth pastor has been a teacher at my school, its been quite werid seeing him around school but now I'm used to it, its quite encouraging to see him and smile.

Well its nearly the end of the half term and its been a good week. Last night was good, thanks guys for coming over to watch the dvd with me and sarah. Tasha, Chris is very nice and its good to see you so happy. Tonight we are having a family meal which should be good. Anyway will write soon.

xxxx

I'm back!!

Well I haven't written on this thing for ages, since May. So just thought I would write and write down whats going on with me.
Well I did ok in my gcse exams and have stayed at my school to do sixth form, i'm doing psychology, philosophy and ethics, art graphics and english lit. I am doing alright in my subjects so thats good.
I also have a new boyfriend, finally over jamie took me a while but knew things weren't working. Taking things slowly with Chris and we just love talking and getting to know each other.
Still got the best friends in the world, Gill and Tasha, thanks for always being there guys don't know what i'd do without you.
Finding my relationship with God a bit challenging at the moment but am just praying and trying to spend time with him, just thinking things over. I have found it really good getting to know people at a different Church and feel that my relationship with God is now dependant on me and not who i am surronded by.

It was valentines day yesterday, unfortunatley Chris had a football match in colchester, didn't mind, spent all day with him on monday. Got a text from my sisters mate saying its ur secret admirer , Sir of norfolk, freaked me out at first but then guessed who it was.
It really made me laugh!!
Anyway its the half term and am enjoying spending time with my family and time for myself. Got some art to do so better get cracking.

I will post again soon, won't leave it 7 months this time.

xxxxxxx

Remember God is with you no matter how you feel.

A song which I learnt at Soul Survivor really sticks in my mind:

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Be my everything

I just pray that over the next few months I would learn to give everything to God, my relationships, school work, family, friends and big decisions.
Everything I do should be about and for God, he is with me always and shares everything, so I wanna share everything with him. He died for me and nothing I do will ever change that.